Calm School Mornings and Happy Drop-Offs
Many children go through stages of not wanting to go to school or struggling with the transition at the gate. Let’s talk about morning routines and strategies for making school mornings as calm as possible and easing children into school.
Children mirror our mood and attitude, so the first thing to think about is how you feel about school mornings and whether you tend to be calm and organised, or whether you get flustered and muddled. Finding routines that work for you is the key to setting the tone for school mornings. My eldest has autism, so the key for me is leaving lots of extra time in the schedule so that if he dysregulates, I have the space to be calm and hit pause. In the beginning, I didn’t leave the extra time and that’s when I would panic, start rushing and not handle it as well.
So, tips for the morning and preparing for the day:
Be Organised- Use the day before to prepare work clothes, food, work stuff as much as possible. Make your morning before school and work as relaxed as possible to alleviate any unnecessary stress. It will also help you to start the day positively, and hopefully, on time. Having a caring adult who is calm and organised will help children to feel they can take on the day.
Sleep- Try to get a good sleep routine for everyone. Getting an early night (or having a calm, restful evening) will help equip you to tackle the day ahead. Personally, I love to read a book before bed to help me relax into resting. Mindfulness music and guided meditations can also help encourage sleep and reduce worries before bed for adults and children. If returning to school after the holidays, getting sleep back into a pattern can be even more key, as it is normal to relax bedtimes and have more late nights. What routine do you have for the children? Having a set pattern can also help with sleep triggers that tells their bodies that they are preparing for sleep.
Favourite Lunch or Dinner (or both)- Having something to look forward to for lunch, gives children a positive halfway through the day. It can really help them to tackle the morning and give them something to focus on if they are finding the morning difficult. If children know you’ve packed a favourite item in their lunch box, it not only makes them smile and feel good when they open it, but it is also a reminder that you love them and know what they like and dislike. It is a connection to home. This might not be possible due to school dinners, or the way lunchtimes work, so why not have a favourite evening meal instead (or if you want, why not both!). Either way, get that feel good feeling and comfort through tasty food.
Notes for a ‘pick-me-up’- This follows on from the previous post about lunch. If you are packing lunches, add a little post-it note with a little message- let your child know they are thought of and loved. If you are packing your own too, you can write a positive affirmation to boost you when you need it or ask a family member to write a note for you (or children could draw you a picture).
Gift of time-Don’t book too much in after school and work, especially on the first days back—they are exhausting! It can be a shock to the system after a long break, so even though we can normally tackle appointments, gym sessions, running the kids to clubs etc., where possible, don’t schedule too much in. Be kind to yourself and make it a gentle, easing back into your routine. You could even plan in a nice activity, so again you have something to look forward to. This still applies throughout the year too—we lead such busy lives that trying to plan in quieter days can be useful.
Arriving at school:
Choose a quick ‘goodbye’ ritual- This can be simply a kiss and/or hug and saying goodbye. Alternatively, you can come up with a special handshake routine, or a special phrase that you say to each other. It is a positive way to leave your child and set them up for the day but remember to keep it brief.
Leave without a fuss- Don’t make the goodbye a big fuss or prolonged period of time. Children need to see that you are calm and confident about what is happening, so that they don’t fear it. If you start saying how much you will miss them and showing any of your worries or anxieties, the child is going to feel unsafe and panic. This can be particularly hard on those first day drop offs and I imagine you will feel a whole host of emotions, but the important thing is to be strong and calm in front of them and then when you leave the school gate, you can cry or release your feelings as much as you want—just do it away from the child.
Be consistent- Stick to what you have said you will do on arrival at school and be there at the end of the day like you promised. If you have said there will be a treat when they get home as an incentive, make sure you follow through. Children need consistency and if they realise you aren’t reliable on your promises, they are less likely to be comfortable doing these things again the following day, week, month etc.
Transitional Objects- If the transition is particularly challenging for your child, an object that goes with them can be helpful for helping them move from one space to another. This can be anything, but the smaller the better for keeping in a pocket or bag for holding when they need it.
Children look to us adults for guidance on how to feel. The more confident and organised we are, the more children are going to feel settled and ready for the day. It is also helpful to discuss feelings with children and find out what they enjoy about school and what parts are difficult. If we know specifics, we can help find solutions and coping strategies for those parts.
Finding a routine that works for your family and having each morning look familiar makes children feel safe and they know what to expect. It also helps us to feel more ready for the day too. The more head space we have, the better we are going to handle their big feelings and challenging moments.
If you would like to discuss any specific aspects of children going back to school or the transition in the mornings, feel free to get in touch to discuss how we can support your family.
